No Power, No Control: Why ENM Makes You Weak & True Power Builds A Real Power Couple

Because you can’t be both dominant and disposable, you’re either all in or you’re out. And if you want a real, unshakable dynamic, you don’t play flakey stand-in; you claim, or you walk.

INTRODUCTION: PICK A SIDE—ARE YOU IN CONTROL, OR ARE YOU SHARING?

Let’s get one thing straight.

You can’t be a dominant man and play the ENM game.

And if you think you can, you’re lying to yourself.

Because the very nature of dominance, ownership, power, and submission contradicts the free-for-all chaos of non-monogamy.

Do you want to lead?

Do you want to claim?

Do you want a woman who submits to you completely?

Then, she can’t be spread thin, diluted, and passed around like a bottle of cheap champagne.

You either own her, body and mind—or you’re just another guy getting his turn.

And let’s flip it.

A true submissive doesn’t want a half-assed, distracted, part-time Dominant. She doesn’t want a man whose attention is divided, who gives the most intimate parts of himself away to multiple partners like it means nothing.

Submission is trust.

Submission is devotion.

Submission is the deepest form of surrender.

How the fuck can you surrender to someone who can’t even commit to keeping you as their priority?

You can’t.

This is why ENM and the Dom/sub dynamic do not—and will never—coexist.

THE FALLACY OF ENM: WHY IT’S JUST CHEATING WITH A PR MAKEOVER

People preach about “communication” and “honesty” when defending their open relationships. But, the truth:

Most ENM setups don’t last.

Why? Because someone always gets hurt.

• Maybe it’s the guy who thought he was cool with sharing his girl, only to realize he can’t stand seeing her with someone else.

• Maybe it’s the woman who convinced herself she was empowered by fucking other men, only to realize she just wanted the attention of one.

• Or maybe it’s the third—the extra, the side piece, the outside partner who catches feelings for someone who will never fully belong to them.

No matter how much people try to dress it up, someone always loses.

If you’re “open” and it’s just sex, what’s stopping you from being single?

If you need to explore with multiple people, why bother pretending you’re in a committed relationship?

If you need other people to fill the gaps in your relationship, then your relationship is already broken.

TRUE DOMINANCE IS EXCLUSIVITY—NOT OPTIONS

Every ENM man loves to talk about how they “don’t believe in ownership.”

They love to act like sexual exclusivity is outdated, restrictive, and beneath them.

But guess what?

Every high-value dominant man I know wants one thing—absolute control.

He doesn’t share.

He doesn’t negotiate his position.

He doesn’t beg for her attention from other men.

Because a real Dom doesn’t settle for being just one of many.

He wants a woman who belongs to him.

If you can stomach the thought of your woman submitting to another man, sitting at his feet, following his commands, taking his cock the way she takes yours…

You’re not dominant.

You’re just another guy waiting his turn.

A TRUE SUBMISSIVE CAN’T SPREAD HERSELF ACROSS MULTIPLE DYNAMICS

Let’s talk about the other side.

A submissive woman isn’t just about sex. 

She’s not just getting on her knees because it feels good—she’s surrendering because it fulfills something deep inside her.

She submits to a leader, a protector, a man she trusts to take control of her pleasure, her mind, and her body.

And if she is giving that to multiple men?

She’s not truly submitting to anyone.

Because submission isn’t transactional.

It’s not something you just hand out in equal portions like slices of a birthday cake.

Submission is earned.

Submission is deep.

Submission is built on trust, exclusivity, and devotion.

A truly submissive woman doesn’t want to be in a rotation.

She doesn’t want to follow the orders of multiple men.

She doesn’t want to be available only when one of them feels like playing Dom that day.

She wants to give herself fully.

And that can’t happen in a non-monogamous setup.

TO THE CHEATING HUSBANDS READING THIS: SEEK HELP. YOU HAVE MORE ISSUES THAN GQ.

There’s a

• A single man who plays the field, owns his choices and makes it clear he isn’t tied down.

• A committed man who takes full ownership of his woman and gives her the exclusive, intoxicating dominance she craves.

• And a married man who’s scrolling for side pussy because he’s bored, insecure, and looking for an escape from his failing relationship.

If you fall into the third category, let me be blunt:

You don’t need an affair—you need a therapist.

Because if you’re looking for validation outside of your marriage, your problems aren’t between your legs.

Your issues are deeper.

You’re:

• Avoiding your real problems by chasing distractions.

• Lying to yourself and your wife instead of dealing with your shit.

• Using other women as temporary band-aids for the fact that your relationship is dead inside.

News flash: The women you’re chasing see right through you.

We know you’re not really an alpha male exploring your sexual freedom.

We know you’re not as confident as you pretend to be.

We know you’re not looking for dominance—you’re looking for a way to feel like a man again.

But real men don’t run. Real men don’t escape.

They own their problems, fix their relationships, or walk away honestly instead of sneaking around like cowards.

STOP LYING TO YOURSELF & PICK A SIDE

At the end of the day, it all comes down to one thing: Integrity.

• A free man, openly single, with the right to fuck whoever you want.

• A dominant man, taking full control over your woman and owning the dynamic completely.

• Or a weak, self-deluding man who hides behind ENM as an excuse to avoid commitment and responsibility.

But you can’t be all three.

So, pick a side.

If you want to be a Dom, a leader, a man with true power over his woman? Then, own her. Fully. Exclusively.

Do you want freedom? Then, be single. No lies. No deception. No bullshit.

But if you’re pretending non-monogamy is healthy, ethical, and balanced while one or more people involved are secretly fucking miserable?

Then congratulations.

You’re not in a relationship. You’re in a slow-motion car crash.

And when it finally burns, don’t say you weren’t warned.

CAN A REAL DOM/SUB RELATIONSHIP BE ENM? NO. HERE’S WHY.

Short answer? No. Not in any real, functional, high-value dynamic.

There’s a reason Dom/sub relationships and ENM contradict each other at their core. The foundation of true power exchange is exclusivity, trust, and deep psychological ownership.

A submissive doesn’t just give her body—she gives her mind, her surrender, her obedience. And a dominant doesn’t just take control—he takes full responsibility for her.

ENM is about options, variety, and surface-level connections.

Dom/sub is about ownership, devotion, and depth.

They don’t mix. Ever.

Because if she’s submitting to multiple men, she’s not submitting to anyone.

And if you’re a “dominant,” who shares your submissive with other men? You’re not in control—you’re just waiting your turn.

Anyone who tries to argue otherwise?

They’re either lying to themselves, or they’ve never experienced a real Dom/sub relationship.

So, are you in control, or are you just playing yourself?

For me, it’s quite simple. 

It’s crystal clear, black and white. 

I’m either in a long-term, monogamous relationship with one Dominant, or I’m single. No in-between, no blurred lines, no half-assed arrangements.

I’ve been in many relationships in my lifetime—some lasting six years, some three, some shorter. And in between? I’ve chosen to be single. Not because I couldn’t be in a relationship, but because I wasn’t ready. I’ve spent eleven adult years single. Most recently, I spent five years single after the death of my fiancé, Christian.

And that was my choice.

I wasn’t going to fool myself into a relationship I wasn’t ready for. I wasn’t going to lie to myself, settle for convenience, or string someone along to fill a void. If I was going to be with someone, it was going to be fully, deeply, without hesitation. And if I wasn’t ready to do that? Then, I was going to own my singleness.

That’s what people don’t get.

You’re either single or you’re in a committed relationship. 

Period.

Dating to fill time? Meaningless.

Dragging someone along with no real intent? Cruel.

Having “fuck buddies” or “situationships” because you’re afraid to be alone? Weak.

The only reason to date is with the intention of something real, something lasting. Otherwise, what the fuck are you even doing?

AND IF YOU’RE QUESTIONING THIS… ASK YOURSELF WHY.

Now, let me ask you something.

If you’re reading this and feeling defensive, uncomfortable, or guilty, I need you to sit with that for a second.

Because if ethical non-monogamy is so ethical, so honest, so open—why would this blog make you feel guilty at all?

• If you’re truly in an ENM relationship, then your partner already knows you explore other connections. So why would looking at my page be a problem?

• If your relationship is built on honesty, why would reading my content make you feel like you’re doing something wrong?

• If your partner knows and consents to you engaging with other women, why the sudden guilt trip?

You only feel guilty when you’re doing something you’re not supposed to be doing.

It’s not the “ethically non-monogamous” men who are panicking.

It’s the ones sneaking around.

It’s the ones lying to their wives.

It’s the ones pretending to be open and honest when they’re just deceiving their way through life.

If that’s you, then you have two choices:

1. Keep lying to yourself. Keep convincing yourself that what you’re doing is “ethical” while ignoring that pit in your stomach.

2. Own your truth. If you want to be single, be single. If you want to be in a monogamous relationship, commit fully. If you’re lost somewhere in between, do something about it instead of hiding behind labels that don’t mean shit.

I don’t write this to make my audience feel guilty.

I don’t create content to make you question yourselves.

But if you do feel guilty, maybe you should be questioning yourself.

Because at the end of the day, you can’t lie to yourself forever.

So tell me—what’s really making you uncomfortable?

Because if it’s this blog? That’s your answer.

Drop your thoughts in the comments. Let’s talk.

xoxo Ivy